Lessons of Old

As 2011 is now in the rearview mirror, it's always good to take moment and think back on what it held, both the good and the bad. Thinking about the past year, I can't help but to see the Lord's hand show up everywhere. I remember going into 2011 thinking that it would be a big year, but I didn't know exactly what that meant or how it would turn out. But I just knew that God had something in store for me. Isn't it incredible how He never ceases to amaze us? His dreams are always so much bigger than ours, aren't they?

And I can't overlook the fact that my "good" list completely outweighs my "bad" list either. While I'm sensitive to the fact that some of you may have had years that you'd rather forget, that your "bad" list might outweigh your "good" list, I can't keep quiet about the grace of God and all He has done for me. After all, it's only because of Him that our 2011 was bountiful. All glory belongs to Him alone.

So, a look back on some of the good and bad of 2011:

• I came out of the workforce to stay home and do freelance design work. The Lord continuously provided for our needs on one steady income, even in the midst of doubts, second guessing our decision and anxiety. He supplied at all the right times in ways we could have never imagined.
• In March, we felt the call to travel to Uganda on our first mission trip. In three months, we would have to raise $6000. We knew that if God was calling us to this, that He would have to show up and show off big time, and that He did, moving the hearts of our family and friends to support us.
• While in Uganda, I had the opportunity to lead two women to Christ.
• Also while in Uganda, we got to hold, hug and play with our sponsor orphan. And we now have friends over 8000 miles away.
• We celebrated two years of marriage!
• I celebrated a milestone birthday: my 30th!
• We suffered more water damage to our condo and slept in our living room for 3 months.
• We received a "new" bedroom because of the water damage: paint, carpet and a fan!
• My dad celebrated a milestone birthday: his 60th!
• We welcomed a new niece into the world in September. She's beautiful and perfect.
• I lost two great uncles to cancer.
• We sold my car and made the decision to be a one-car family for now. Despite it not being the most convenient thing, it has worked out fine and has allowed us to give up having car payments.
• My dad still remains cancer free.
• We both lost our grandfathers to cancer.
• Matt continues to do well at BCBS and is potentially moving towards a work-from-home job.
• While we have fallen out of touch with some old friends, the Lord has been faithful to give us new ones.
• Overall the year was a healthy one for us.
• We have had the privilege to lead our small group for one year and have had a front row seat watching how people have grown in their walks.
• We found out that we are expecting our first child!

More important than any of the things that happened over the past year are the things that I have learned. While there is still much room for growth, I have learned that God is faithful to His promises. He supplies for our needs. He has a perfect plan for my life, even if I can only catch it one piece at a time. God's timing is always right, even if it doesn't feel right to me. I must choose to trust in the Lord and not waver on that. Sometimes my heart doesn't always feel like it trusts, but in my mind, I know that what God has promised will hold true.

Now, going forward into 2012, I want to develop a heart that loves like Jesus does, one that can choose to trust Him even more and feel it in my heart at the same time. There's no doubt that these lessons will be a continuation over the next year, but I pray that I would grow stronger through them and be able to look back at the Lord's provision in December and see the great things He has done. I pray that this year would be one where I can simplify life and not get caught up in all the stuff that doesn't matter, to focus on my family and being the wife and soon-to-be mama that God has called me to be. No more distractions. No more comparisons. I just want to be me.

It's funny. We're only 8 days into the new year and already there are mountains that stand in the way of my sight, but I can rest in the fact that God already sees the end. He sees the person who is going to buy our condo. He sees the perfect house for us to move into with a room for a child and an office for Matt to work from. He sees how our finances are going to cover what we need. He sees how it's all going to get accomplished in seven months. He sees us as parents of an infant, when we're exhausted and overwhelmed, yet joyful and completely in love with His new creation.

I am so thankful that He sees. Because I sure can't. But, in spite of that, I must choose to trust and continue to say yes to one thing at a time, surrendering my anxiety (and will) to Him.

Thank you, Jesus, for what you're going to do this year!